January 27, 2009, 8:35 pm
Filed under: sophron

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
-Psalm 84:10

these weeks it’s like an emotionless time with God. It’s really emotionless. I don’t know why and how that happened, and in the end, i get very jittery everyday in school.
I dont know why and how that happened. but I know how it continued…

Doing quiet time now is like studying to me. like pure studying. read, think, remember, understand and one short meaningless prayer and off i go.
really off i go.  
it’s so meaningless that for the past weeks, all my quiet times is as good as nothing. as good as wasting my time and flip the bible and try to act holy. That’s really bad. yupp, it’s really bad. okayy, maybe not the act holy part, more like i act holy in front of God.
wasted efforts.

Like David and Solomon. Solomon looks like he has some good life, while David, quite bad i must sad esp at the end i read until i cannot take it.. But David was a guy with chase after God’s heart, and Solomon chase after self improvement.
Emotionless me has been chasing for ‘self improvement’ for no reasons. Chasing to get a certificate? chasing to have good EQ, chasing to understand ppl, chasing to be good in front of everyone, to be everyone’s nice friend, or not that nice friend and all the blah blah blah.  

“And i saw that all labor and all achievemnts spring from man’s envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after wind.” -Ecc 4:4
yarr, i really envy.
“A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God.” -Ecc2:24
yupp, that means i wasted my time envying knowingly and UNknowingly. 

 You, continue chasing, and you will regret it when the time comes when you get it. It’s like sauce, you drink it, it’s tasty, but you will never satisfy. 
Start knowing who gives the living water. It’s taste like pure sweet lemonade:]


1 Comment so far
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all the way!

yknw, sadistic as it may seem, i really enjoy reading your blog and how real you are in your posts. abt how you desperately want to seek god, your analogies, randomness.

continue writing yeah? 🙂 and remember that god can always be found by those who seek after him earnestly.

Comment by denise

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